UoC has stars in its eyes

I was in the canteen minding my own business one day when someone asked me if we were journalists.
'Yes, we write for The Informer student newspaper' , i replied.
'Oh great, because we need to do some publicity as part of our band project' said the guy.

That guy was Pad Wigmore, the lead singer of the student band Revert.

Now i don't generally walk around the University with my eyes closed, but i had never seen these people. I was asked to meet up with them in the music practice room- I have never even been in that part of the University before. Sad really.

Revert consists of Pad Wigmore as lead vocals and syths/keyboard, Alex Pearson on guitar, backing Vocals and keyboard, Stuart Kirby on drums and backing vocals, Chris Wishart on guitar and backing vocals and Katie Bradley on bass.

One thing i notice is the small space they have. It's very, well, basic. There are pipes that run right through all the rooms so the sound travels from each band practice. I start to feel sorry for these guys.

They aren't fazed by the resources they have, as they point out: ‘We waited weeks and weeks to get a whiteboard in here’, so they won’t be holding our breath with that one then.

As soon as they started practising, I forgot all about the lack of resources in the room. They were incredible. I was lucky enough to hear them play a cover of ‘I Predict a Riot’ by the Kaiser Chiefs and I, being a closet Kaiser fan, do not even hesitate in saying I prefer their version to the original.

It’s nice to see they have aspirations in life, with their music. As higher education has been through a change in recent years, with more people going in a different vocational road to a career, here we see these five people sitting here with me that clearly love what they are doing instead of sitting bored in a common room somewhere.

The music course seems to be very well run; they are encouraged to act like a real band by playing any gig they can and trying to set up a fan-base. And it’s not just cover versions they do- they also have to write and produce their very own album, which should be hopefully be out in March next year. Watch this space

Catch up with Revert at:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=117408&id=140478017157#/pages/Revert/140478017157?v=info&ref=ts


To listen to my interview with Revert click here:

On Bonfire night Revert performed in a gig called 'Firestarter' which was their first major project.

See my review below:

Music students put on a blazing performance on this years bonfire night. From Ash to Electric 6, there was music for everyone to enjoy. The bands could do anything they wanted as long as it made a reference to one thing: fire.

The gig was a collaboration of National Diploma second year music and music technology students, second year media students, and music students from Sunderland College. This huge collaboration was the idea of music lecturer, Leroy Johnson, along with media lecturer, Ed Cooper.

The media students were in charge of filming the gig in full, which was made into a DVD and sold to people who wanted to watch the magic over again.

‘We like to do two big shows a year and it tied in quite a lot of modules and completed a lot of projects in one go because it was on Bonfire night I thought of fire, so fire-related songs’ said Leroy

The first thing people noticed was how professional the stage was, with a handy trick of white cloth and orange light giving the illusion of fire on either side of the stage. Media students had four different cameras connected to three screens in the background enhancing the audience’s view.

The gig was kicked off by two Sunderland students giving an ace performance of The Prodigy’s Firestarter. Songs such as Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire and Jimi Hendrix’s Fire were performed by UoC students; with Roxanne Scott giving a wonderful performance of Snow Patrol’s Set the Fire to the Third Bar. The Sunderland student’s performed a mix of songs from Ramstein’s Firefly to Paramore’s Let the Flames Begin.

Music students from Sunderland College teamed up with the University because Leroy is good friends with their lecturer:

‘We’d been over to Sunderland in April to do a little gig so we invited them back to repay the favour really’

You can't choose your family.

It's a well known fact that family are people you can't choose to share your life with. Unlike friends you do not a choice in the matter, however i realise now that, with your family, maybe you can choose where to draw a line as to how much you will put up with.

Recently it was my sister's wedding. It was a beautiful day and the bride was of course stunning. Although, throughout this celebration i was anxious. Everyone that knows me will know i have a compicated family unit. Not that i believe that is a bad thing, but my parents history made me worry that something was going to happen.

This anxious feeling though, was in the back of my mind. I was positive that whatever problems would be pushed aside for my sister's exciting day. I was half right.

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you, whoever you are that is reading this that it was a really emotional day and as much as i love my dad i really thought he would be the one that would crack. I have never been so proud of him in all my life for putting up with so many of the family members i know he found hard being with.

But, as much as my mother tried to get him to, my dad kept his temper hidden and just ignored her. My hat goes off to him. i think in a way this occasion showed me just how much he cares about me and my family. She was the one that made a complete fool of herself.

I won't go into details about what happened, because it is too private, but all you need to know is my mother ruined the end of the night. I have never hated her so much as i did in that moment. Then all the memories i had of her during my childhood came flooding back: sitting at the window as she turned up 3 hours late without getting in touch, the smell of her as she came back from the pub in the early hours of the morning, the times i sat downstairs with the dog until after dinner because she was still asleep, sitting in the pub desperate to go home and do my homework, the time she sneered at me that i was a snob and a bitch, running up the stairs at school because i was late because of her again, the day she came to say goodbye before leaving for spain looking more excited than upset leaving her children.

This may be really mundane things to get upset about, but they do upset me still. The thing that really annoys me is she has done all these things and expects me to respect her as a daughter should respect a mother, but i just can't. Everyone will probably think im over reacting by not speaking to her, but im just sick of her acting like a child and people letting her get away with it.
'Oh, it's only jackie, you know how she is' people keep telling me. No, she has a problem and im sick of letting her get away with it. My dad has done so much for us and then if he does one thing wrong he gets slated. i can see now why he gets so upset when we forgive and forget with mother.

Well, i've made my decision. I told her where to go and she just confirmed what i knew- she really does not care.

I sent a very long message to the woman, and if i was her and received that off my daughter i'd be devastated begging and grovelling for forgiveness. She's seemed to have given up. all i got was that she respected my decision and she'll be there if i want to forgive her.

Excuse me? Have you just acted like the biggest bitch on earth and your trying to make ME feel guilty?! I dont think i do. So you may not be able to choose your family, but you do have a choice to not put up with what they put you through and show them they can not get away with it anymore.

Much love

xxxxx

The future's bright...isn't it?

Look what i found in the BBC website:

Graduates 'should try leaving UK'

More than 300,000 people graduate in the UK every year
The government is urging graduates to consider a spell working abroad, whether in internships or volunteering, to avoid the worst of the recession.
The advice is backed by the National Union of Students and is being handed out on leaflets at universities over the next couple of weeks.
Recent figures suggest there will be a 5% drop in jobs for new graduates this summer, compared to last year.

So with this happy happy news i thought it was time i reflect on MY own future....

Well, tomorrow being the last day of year two, im now in my last year of uni. That is a scary thought as i have grown fond of m uni time, bumming around and getting some marks along the way.

i have also met some amazing people. There is nobody in my course i hate, which is a different feeling from school when there was so many different personalities you couldn't help but not get along with everyone.

I feel like i have grown as a person at uni. At school i was the worst at public speaking and now i feel as if i can do it.

I think about the day a year from now when uni will be over and we will graduate into the big, wide world and im filled with fear and doubt.

I just do not know what i want to do with my life, i just know that even after graduating i am going to end up in a dead end job in an office somewhere. Before this morning i had the stability of Andi being in the army and im not being a moocher in any way i just felt a litle more secure that he had a stable wage and job and i could find a job wherever he was. Now i don't know what i am going to do. I want to get out of Carlisle so bad i just don't have the money.

Sad panda. What are we all going to do? Do any of us realise what we want to do or what the future will bring. I guess none of us will know until it happens.

I'm not going to let it get me down Que sera sera is what i say:

• Enjoy the ride while you have the energy to enjoy it.
• Take chances
• life is a tragedy to those who feel, a comedy to those who think
• To succeed, you need to take that gut feeling in what you believe and act on it with all of your heart.

Hope these inspire you all!! Now don't be scared by what's happening in the world today live your life the way you want to, but most importantly: enjoy it!

Procrastination is the theif of time......i should really revise :)

My incredible luck

At the moment i have realised just how unlucky i am with anything involving deliveries.....read on...

After having my phone stolen and the police deciding they 'couldn't note it down as stolen because it was in terminal 1 on a saturday night so had to record it as lost'

So in other words love, it was my own fault for being in a shitty club, thanks.

Well this lost property code was shit all use to me as my insurance only covers stolen. Brilliant.

This concluded in me now having my old phone which is so old and scratch it looks like its been chucked off a cliff. Repeatedly.

So i needed to find a cheap replacement so hello Ebay. I found a new unlocked sony ericsson that looked cute and was only 40 quid. Job done.

Few days pass and i'm wondering where the hell is this phone. Just as i walk through the living room i notice a red slip that looks like a royal mail slip. Oh yes it is, the bloody thing was delivered yesterday and i hadn't noticed. I was so excited i walked all the way from town to the office near dixon's chimney.

Everything was fine with the package and then damn! the sim card was invalid a bloody marvellous.

I got in touch with 'carolineinpink' and no such luck to return it. Apparently network 3 have blocked sim cards that only work in certain phones. I have now become a Ebay seller haha.

Next happened yesterday. The internet stopped working and we were told that a technician would be arriving between half 8 and half 1. My parents were both at work so i was elected as the stop at home internet nanny. Fair enough i didn't have uni until half 1 so hopefully they would come in the morning.

So my morning consisted of GM:TV, will and grace, Jeremy Kyle, This Morning, loose women and STILL no technician. I eventually ring at 1pm to which i'm told by Andy after what seems like a lifetime on hold that the technician has us down but it could be up to 5pm. A whole day ruined! 'Anything else i can help you with?' Yeah Andy there is: you can bloody start by sacking which ever bitch told us they were arriving in the morning and give me my morning of watching trash tv back!

The technicians eventually arrived at 4pm. No drinks were offered to them instead i sat in the kitchen in a huff.

Now today, my laptop was expected to be delivered. Now, i understand a person could get it wrong, but a delivery partner that does it for a living and specialises in delivering goods? Oh yes believe me they can. I had been told the delivery would be between 8 and 1. Great, as again i am at uni in the afternoon. So i spend another morning waiting around until at 11 Lisa from the delivery partner rings me.
'apologises but your laptop has actually been sent to the Newcastle depot instead of the Carlisle' Right. I'm totally in awe that they had made this error they are a delivery company! The complete idiots!

So now i realise i am buying things in shops from now on! It's much easier and less stressful.

xxx

An update on all things Georgie

Wow haven't wrote on this for ages. Thought i had better update this about things that have recently.
(and it gives me a chance to procrastinate from Katrin's essay again)

Ah, procrastination- my favourite past time. Seriously it is! These last few weeks trying to do anything remotely worthwhile is hard. I start the task then find something shiny or silly to look at.

My feelings of uni haven't really improved, although i don't think i'm as angry with them as some people. It makes me so sad to see people upset with uni, i mean they give you the lectures, the work to do, the exams, the revision, they are easily available to talk to and still people are angry because they are really bad at time management. (and before i get an angry phone call Tash, i realise you're ill and stressed)

Lauren and Conny were going home for the summer and only a select few made the effort to turn up. I was boiling that night. Aren't we supposed to be students living it up? not staying home because we had work due in. I postponed that night out THREE times and still people couldn't manage their time to come and say goodbye to some people that we are not going to see for 5 months. It's madness we hardly ever go out as a course.

I realise we have portfolios to do, but if it stresses people out so much why do they not do it before the deadline? I finished my at the start of the week for the reason we were going out.

Tony organised a trip to Edinburgh the other day and only 3 people went. It was so sad because people seemed really excited at the time about it then it got to the day before and THEY realised that they hadn't got the time to have fun because we had an essay due in on Friday. Sam recoiling in horror: "he should of organised it last week when we had nothing"

ERm, no Sam we were given the essay 3 weeks ago and Tony told us two weeks ago this is when the trip was going to be. So once the journalism course failed in their time management- horray!

I'm not saying i'm better than anyone on my course, far from it. I hold my hands up that i am crap at time management but i went to Edinburgh and i loved it. I'm so glad i went because none of us exept three people handed in the essays so the people that didn't go for that reason really should kick themselves. hard.

I still haven't done my essay and it's now Tuesday, but i am mad. If this was any of our other tutors essays they would be hounding us as to why it's late and with 7 people not handing it in on time, as a tutor i would be worrying that these people are struggling.

But Katrin? Not a peep. Not even an email saying she has realised they are late. Nothing. So why should i worry about it if she clearly doesn't care?

I also have two exams next week, still havent revised for them and i can't find the energy. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I've lost all my resolve, but i guess it isn't Uni's fault and i don't agree people should be blaming their lack of work on the Uni.

But hey ho. Got to just keep on plodding along and hope i scrape a pass.

Rant over people!!!

Ps: Tash, you are not included because you are ill and it wouldn't be fair to diss you in your current situation, plus you're fit hehe x

The chav stereotype

I wore tracksuit bottoms today. For the first time in over 4 years. It was a wierd and hilarious experience.

We all associate so-called 'chavs' with the stereotypical trackies and today i made my own social experiment.

Firstly i took my little sister to school. A young girl wearing trackies and holding a little girls hand screams 'young mum' As i was walking to school i passed a middle aged woman and smiled sweetly and said good morning. The look on her face was priceless as she answered.

Next i walked to uni listening to my ipod and thought i would try something different. I walked passed a young boy at the bus stop, looking at me like i was going to beat him up, and put my ipod up to the higest volume while skipping to Linkin Park (yeah i dont know why they are still on my ipod either) He stared at me with disbelief. Is this chav really listening to 'greebo' music? confused looks all round.

I also smiled at an old lady who gave me the dirtiest look she could muster. So. yeah Job done. Most people do judge you on what you are wearing and what you look like. So next time you are walking down the street and see someone wearing trackies- don't judge them they are not definitely a chav, unless of course they start spitting at you, throwing things or shouting obcenities. Then yeah judge the chav.

Ciao for now xxx

spring is here!!! er..woo?

Horray!!! Spring is finally here! The sun is shining in the sky, the sky is a gorgeous blue, birds are singing...so why do i still feel so larthargic and down in the dumps?

I should be skipping everywhere and talking to birds like some sort of metalist, but the truth is i only feel like that when i'm not in the building that has University of Cumbria written in big letters.

Yes, i have become lazy again. Lazy with my education. Last week i was on a high- i had a brilliant interview that made me feel like a journalist for once and a chance of getting published somewhere. With that chance falling flat on it's arse as quick as a toddler learning to walk with banana shoes on (ok that was a crap simile, leave me alone) i'm back in this building learning about colours. I kid you not.

I have so much to do as well- My mother and my boyfriend are back here and to top it all off i have two exams next week, a 2000 word essay, the page of the magazine to start, articles to sub and then the website to build. I have realised i have more in my life than just this course and i have no idea how to fit it all in. So much so i feel tired, stressed and very close to my head exploding.

I was blaming Uni for this stress too. Oh yeah they just give us all this work at the same time blah blah when really it's my own fault for managing my time badly.

Then something interesting happened today- Molly invited me to her house party. My intial reaction was "no i have too much work to do", but the more i thought about it the more i realised that i will get home see my little sister and then procrastinate for the rest of the night anyway.

So screw it i am going to the party and i am going to have fun, whether i like it or not.

Oh yeah, if you are feeling as stressed as i am here is some monkeys looking through some binnoculas in Africa. Well, it made me laugh!

Enjoy the sunshine!!
xxx

Valentines, schmalentines

Valentine's Day or Saint Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many people throughout the world. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine's cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionery

Eek. Why do we need this day to express our love? Do on the other 364 days involve us just liking wach other? Does Feb 14th really make us fall head over heels in love with our other half then when the clock strikes 12am BOOM the love has gone. Bollocks.

Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. Yeah, so now apparently love is associated with martyrdom. St Valentine was actually a martyr from ancient Rome. How romantic.

As you have probably realised- i hate Valentine's Day. I think its a complete waste of time and coporate hallmark crap. I don't need a card and presents to be shown im loved. The day makes single people feel lonely and the people in relationships under pressure to show what a wonderful couple they are. People get competetive with their relationship and i think it is silly.

Don't get me wrong, me and Andi have had two wonderful Valentine's days together- by ourselves.

I don't like going out for the simple reason you are being scrutinised by everyone: "ooh look at them wonder how long they will last. wonder if he got her flowers" blah.

Andi buys me things i and i buy him things all the time. We have a wonderful solid relationship that i don't need confirmed with a flimsy card and some wilting flowers.

So my advice is to ignore this stupid day- it's not even a proper holiday it's made up- and show your partner you love them everyday. Because love is forever, not just for Valentines day!

Personally, i blame Geoffrey Chaucer. The bugger.

lots of love, everyday!

xxxxxx

My new love

I have to confess. I have fallen in love. With a woman named Stephanie Calman. I really think it was the best interview i have ever done. She is the nicest person and is so down to earth even if she has had a huge success with her writing.

So at the beginning of last week i was feeling very low about my journalism. I just can't seem to get it right at the moment. I had no passion for it anymore. And now i have met this lovely woman who admits she was also bottom in english and had notalent for creative writing at all. She was just persistent. She has taught me the most out of everyone in my education so far, and i love her for it.

I realise now that i can get there. I love writing in my own style. Stuff the boring yarn that newspapers have you write. My family life is exciting to all of my friends so why can it not be exciting to the rest of the country. I am feeling really ambitious now. This article has shown me that if i am passionate about what i am writing about the words just flow, much the same as this blog.

I am a wierd person and now i can put this to good use. I'm off to amazon to look for James Thurber and SJ Perelman books. Non-fiction is now my way forward. Or if all else fails i have found the magazine i can write for: Front. If you don't know what that is, look it up. If you do, you know i would be like a duck to water in that magazine.

Oh, and look up Stephanie Calman. She is a great person.

Ciao for now!

xxx

Stuck in a rut or should that be runt? ho ho

I just read Adams Blog and it got me to thinking about my attitude to Uni.

I really don't know what to do with myself at the minute. It's great having Andi back, don't get me wrong but the last few weeks have been seriously stressing me out.

It's like i have lost all interest in uni. Part of me wishes that i had just got a full time job and worked up that ladder instead of running up this massive debt. It all started when Terry gave me feed back on my portfolio and general print 1 work. Afterwards i just wanted to shoot myself in the head. The confidence i was gaining was shattered right there in that 5 minute conversation. Yes, i know Terry didn't mean it to do that, but it did.

My grammar's shit. my articles are shit. my interviews are shit. I'm just generally shit. Cheers TK, im leaving your appreciation society on Facebook.

I can take critisism no bother. But this was like a kick in the face. Then he asked me if i was at all bothered about this degree as it seems to him that it's only a small part of my life. Well no Terry, paying £3.500 a year for this conversation i can't say it is only that.

I just feel really dumb and can't really talk about it to anyone. I blurted it out in Costas the other day and Dan gave me some advice. Still i don't think journalism is for me, maybe some part of it, i haven't decided.

My passion for this course has gone. Maybe i should just get pregnant now and live off benefits. That's a joke. Obviously.

I've realised this blog sounds depressing. I guess i am at the moment, but i'll survive. I'll pass get my degree and settle in some mediocre job somewhere. It'll be great.

public apology

i must apologise for my behaviour in the last blog i wrote. It has been deleted now, because it was stupid rambling. I don't want my blogs to become angry rambles. that's not why i started them. I'm a lot calmer now than the other day. i should of just went to sleep. Instead i switched the computer on and moaned, upsetting people i don't want to upset.

i love my family and friends to bits. Just got back from Newcastle and had such a nice time with my gorgeous sister, Shell. I needed the hugs she gave me. it was lovely and calmed me down so much. i never wrote that blog to upset anyone or to stick two fingers up at anyone who was worried about me.

i was mainly angry at myself and it came out in the wrong way. i'm angry because i put up that persona of i'm fine because i think people that get upset are weak. that's a really silly thing to think, but i know that now. i realise if i had wanted to be left alone i should of kept off facebook, especially my status updates. A wise woman told me today things that really put my stupid blog into perspective: i hurt the people that are looking out for me. they're not out demanding that you put a face on it like you can't be miserable we're just supporting you.'

Also, it wasn't anyones fault that my parents were splitting up then never bothered to tell me that it was ok until i arrived home after a day of fretting. i was so angry they didn't think it mattered to tell me they were fine. as if i didn't exsist.

i have never felt so lousey. i wish i could go back and never write that blog, but i can't. so i deleted it instead. let me sincerley say: if you read it, please don't hate me for it and i honestly didnt mean for people to take offence. if you never got to read it. good i am really glad you didn't. So next time you see or know i'm upset please don't take this blog to heart and not talk to me at all. oh, and if you're upset let your family help. their hugs are the best, well at least mine are.



lots of love and hugs and sincere apologies.

xxxxxxx

Love conquers all...even self loathing

Andrew has left me. Not forever dear friends, just for a little while. But as the reflecting blog helped put my thoughts into order i thought i would do another at the moment of feeling like half of me is gone so how did we get to this?. yeah get the tissues out as you delve into my love life....

Back in 2007 i was feeling pretty low. my boyfriend of over a year had just dumped me for an older more attractive girl. i have never felt like that before. like a piece of crap. Ever been to portland square? well yeah thats where i was dumped. pretty shabby seeing as we were at a private party with his family. he was texting her on his phone all night the bastard. i was physically sick when i read the words 'even my thong' and screamed at him a bit. so there i was cold and alone while he went back inside after begging me 'to keep in touch'. yeah right cockhead. the worst thing? i didnt see it coming. thats what pissed me off. he treated me like shit and i let him because i thought thats what love was. he never praised me i realise and when he was texting 'chip' (yeah stupid huh) i laughed at the name and all i got was 'its not as bad as george' how fucking rude. anyway so i rang my sister and got a taxi to see her. good old sue. but things started swimming around in my head. what did i do wrong? how long has he been cheating on me? oh my god hes been shagging her when he was at uni and coming back to me on weekends!


Anyway enough about him. i picked myself up and started playing around. i even pulled the cleaner ,Karl with a K, at work and took him to becca's party. We fooled around in the kitchen, but did not have sex honest! he turned out to be a wierdo anyway that rambled at me about his dead twin so i told him to leave. aaah fun times.

there were others, but they don't really matter. in APRIL after me and some friends went to see mcfly-yeah im not ashamed- and it being a wednesday we decided to go to the wheel. In there we were on a mission to set me up with someone.

And not trying to sound corny, but when i saw a guy over by the DJ box i thought wow! (please dont be sick) so after some school play-ground behaviour of my friend likes your friend etc i went over to said hotty.
LISTEN UP THIS IS IMPORTANT: i did not under any circumstances jump on him! i merely went up and started dancing with him. we looked at each other and then the kisses started. if the question ever comes up on big fat quiz of the year or anything remember, ANDI started the kiss and he shoved me against the DJ box. phew it was hot. big hot romance was what it was! anyway we exchanged numbers and introduced to each others friends then i had to go and did the call me gesture. It was the greatest night of my life.

i couldnt stop grinning. i remember waking up and saying hello to my dad. he asked how last night was and i told him i had met a guy (granted i had told him that two weeks ago, but i knew this was something special) then i dont know why but i thought maybe hes forgotten my name so i text him saying hi this is GEORGIE haha hope you had a good night. BOOM he was so mine. then he rang me that night interrupting my lee evans watching. rude. i remember sitting on the kitchen table and talking about our likes and dislikes. my first thought: this guy is way to cool for me!

anyway, we were inseperable and he took me on dates. proper gentleman. One day he was two hours late so he turned up at my house with a present. oh no not flowers or chocolates, a necklace!! it was amazing! i love that necklace. and he is the reason i am addicted to family guy. up until then i used to think he was so funny. like extremely funny. then i realised he had just been quoting family guy to me the last few months. genius.

enough of the remenicing anyway my eyes are tired. really all i wanted to tell you was that Andi is the most attentive boyfriend i've ever had. he holds my hand, cuddles me and generally makes me feel safe. i really truly believe theres someone out there for everybody and im so lucky to have found mine. i have never felt so comfortable around a boy before. there are no awkward silences when we are together and i can tell him anything, even the really embarrassing and shocking things. plus he makes me smile and occasionally laugh my socks off. but dont tell him that.

the best thing that has happened to me after meeting andi is my confidence boost. before then i was shy and quiet and hated myself, actually. i was this ugly duckling sitting in the corner, but this hot guy was interested in me and i thought YES! finally. He doesn't understand why im so self-loathing and tells me again and again what an amazing person i am and honestly, it really does help my self esteem.

so this is why i am not going to let a little thing as him going away get me down. we talk everyday and when we put the phone down, however im feeling at the time, im always without fail smiling from ear to ear. nobody looks out for me like he does and just knowing that he loves me is enough.

so people. i know your worried i crying into my pillow, im not. No im not going to lie im not having a party right now and jumping round my room, but im fine. i have a great family and great friends that will help me through this.

apparently i have changed in the past because of boys. i think andi has changed me for the better. i can look in the mirror now and think 'yeah your not hideously ugly, you'll do' my god. andis even seen me in the morning- eek and eating melting icecream and spaghetti. ha not a pretty sight, but i don't care hes great and he loves me for me.

im going to stop now, your sick bucket is probably full to the brim and i dont want it to overflow. so if you have found someone keep them if you havent find them. this aint no mills and boon.

good night boys and girls

xxx

reflection, reflection

well, here i am. some may say a copycat. some may say good for you george. but others im sure won't really give a damn. so good scan it, read it, analyse it whatever.

But, really im just very bored and alone so i thought as i have laughed and shed the odd tear over some of my journalist friends blogs i thought it would be interesting to do some reflecting of my own.

Right, well 2008 has been a whirlwind. i can still remember 2008's new years day when i was recovering from a really bad hangover and trying to eat the dinner sandra had prepared. Still, at least i didnt look as bad as liam did. ha.

My dog died in 2008. Well puppy if you're going to be picky. I still miss Bailey, but i look back and feel slightly embarrased at the way i handled that situation. I curled up into a ball and said go away to the world, which in 'reflection' was really stupid. Tasha lost a relative not long after and came in to college the same day and i didn't go to college for a week because of a relative that wasn't even the same species put it into perspective. I was shocked to be honest though when it happened and my dad blamed himself. I've never seen a man cry like that before, actually not even a human being. He couldn't even bury her himself so i had to do it. Lots of other stuff came out in between his sobs, which i won't share, but believe me it was heart wrenching stuff.

My dad is a complicated human being, but this last year i think has been the best between us it has been in a while. i had been turned against him years before and would do the cringey screaming running up the stairs shouting 'i hate you' thing which is not pretty. but actually hes quite a good guy and has done a lot for me over the years. so he got married this year. it was a pretty whirlwind thing, but i think its the best decision hes made in a while. i love sandra and my new extended family.

some say my family and life is like a soap opera and sometimes i have to agree. family is a complicated thing, but i love mine to bits. Stacey and nathan are lovely and i really miss nath now hes at uni. But also this year it let me get to know liam some more. i just saw him as this annoying chav that was horrible to his mother, but this year i've seen the nice, funny side to liam and really i was wrong about him.

another person i was wrong about was mr adam montgomery. aaah adam we've become good friends this last year. i used to think that he was just the annoying friend of Graham Kelly's. how wrong i was. Adam, like my father, is a comlicated person. i dont try to understand him. now he is just adam who i will stick up for if i think people are being unreasonable about him. hes silly and he makes me laugh and i hope we remain good friends. He is the role model for geeks trying to find their place in social circles, sometimes going to far it must be said, but i mean that in the nicest possible way.

another shocker of the year: mr aaron returning. i didnt think he would do it and at the time i didnt care either. i thought he didnt like me so i turned my back on him. im glad he came back though and i will always remember our drunken heart to heart in Terminal 1. aaah

Of course Tash i cant forget you! ms Hannon has been the backbone to my time at uni. unlike me, she says how she feels and there were times when i wish i could be like that. im a coward really i just like to bitch without actually having it out with the person. im not good in awkward situations either and when im uncomfortable i just use humor as a mask you might say. i hated adam and tash not getting along im so glad they have worked it out now because i love them both in their own ways. Tash, i couldnt have done uni without you!

You always think the people you have known the longest will always be there for you, but then you realise that people change. this happened to me this year. i have no idea what happened maybe we are just too different now, but im happy for them to not want to be my friend. get on with it i really couldnt give two shits. i think they thought i would be bothered and when it became clear we were officially 'ex-friends' i thought i honestly dont care it was amazing. the friends i still have are better than you anyways and its just a waste of time us pretending to get on.

Its been both an amazing and tough year for my relationship. Me and Andi are rock solid, but i know there are some pessimists out there that have £50 riding on this cocking up. Well better save up your pennies mr because i am not letting this go. Andi is amazing. Him joining the army is the best thing he has ever done in his life (as far as im aware) and its stopped him bumming around. Im not going to lie there have been times this year when i thought oh my god this is hard. We went on our first holiday together before he joined the army which was amazing. i had never been on holiday with a boy before hehe. then he broke his leg, trust him, and has been back for a couple of weeks and now to gear up for him leaving me again.

so yeah, a funny year all in all. i've made friends and lost friends, lost family and gained family, lost andi and gained a cripple. haha only kidding, i never lost him.

peace out kids.

xxx