It's a well known fact that family are people you can't choose to share your life with. Unlike friends you do not a choice in the matter, however i realise now that, with your family, maybe you can choose where to draw a line as to how much you will put up with.
Recently it was my sister's wedding. It was a beautiful day and the bride was of course stunning. Although, throughout this celebration i was anxious. Everyone that knows me will know i have a compicated family unit. Not that i believe that is a bad thing, but my parents history made me worry that something was going to happen.
This anxious feeling though, was in the back of my mind. I was positive that whatever problems would be pushed aside for my sister's exciting day. I was half right.
I would like to take this opportunity to tell you, whoever you are that is reading this that it was a really emotional day and as much as i love my dad i really thought he would be the one that would crack. I have never been so proud of him in all my life for putting up with so many of the family members i know he found hard being with.
But, as much as my mother tried to get him to, my dad kept his temper hidden and just ignored her. My hat goes off to him. i think in a way this occasion showed me just how much he cares about me and my family. She was the one that made a complete fool of herself.
I won't go into details about what happened, because it is too private, but all you need to know is my mother ruined the end of the night. I have never hated her so much as i did in that moment. Then all the memories i had of her during my childhood came flooding back: sitting at the window as she turned up 3 hours late without getting in touch, the smell of her as she came back from the pub in the early hours of the morning, the times i sat downstairs with the dog until after dinner because she was still asleep, sitting in the pub desperate to go home and do my homework, the time she sneered at me that i was a snob and a bitch, running up the stairs at school because i was late because of her again, the day she came to say goodbye before leaving for spain looking more excited than upset leaving her children.
This may be really mundane things to get upset about, but they do upset me still. The thing that really annoys me is she has done all these things and expects me to respect her as a daughter should respect a mother, but i just can't. Everyone will probably think im over reacting by not speaking to her, but im just sick of her acting like a child and people letting her get away with it.
'Oh, it's only jackie, you know how she is' people keep telling me. No, she has a problem and im sick of letting her get away with it. My dad has done so much for us and then if he does one thing wrong he gets slated. i can see now why he gets so upset when we forgive and forget with mother.
Well, i've made my decision. I told her where to go and she just confirmed what i knew- she really does not care.
I sent a very long message to the woman, and if i was her and received that off my daughter i'd be devastated begging and grovelling for forgiveness. She's seemed to have given up. all i got was that she respected my decision and she'll be there if i want to forgive her.
Excuse me? Have you just acted like the biggest bitch on earth and your trying to make ME feel guilty?! I dont think i do. So you may not be able to choose your family, but you do have a choice to not put up with what they put you through and show them they can not get away with it anymore.
Much love
xxxxx
Friday, 26 June 2009
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
The future's bright...isn't it?
Look what i found in the BBC website:
Graduates 'should try leaving UK'
More than 300,000 people graduate in the UK every year
The government is urging graduates to consider a spell working abroad, whether in internships or volunteering, to avoid the worst of the recession.
The advice is backed by the National Union of Students and is being handed out on leaflets at universities over the next couple of weeks.
Recent figures suggest there will be a 5% drop in jobs for new graduates this summer, compared to last year.
So with this happy happy news i thought it was time i reflect on MY own future....
Well, tomorrow being the last day of year two, im now in my last year of uni. That is a scary thought as i have grown fond of m uni time, bumming around and getting some marks along the way.
i have also met some amazing people. There is nobody in my course i hate, which is a different feeling from school when there was so many different personalities you couldn't help but not get along with everyone.
I feel like i have grown as a person at uni. At school i was the worst at public speaking and now i feel as if i can do it.
I think about the day a year from now when uni will be over and we will graduate into the big, wide world and im filled with fear and doubt.
I just do not know what i want to do with my life, i just know that even after graduating i am going to end up in a dead end job in an office somewhere. Before this morning i had the stability of Andi being in the army and im not being a moocher in any way i just felt a litle more secure that he had a stable wage and job and i could find a job wherever he was. Now i don't know what i am going to do. I want to get out of Carlisle so bad i just don't have the money.
Sad panda. What are we all going to do? Do any of us realise what we want to do or what the future will bring. I guess none of us will know until it happens.
I'm not going to let it get me down Que sera sera is what i say:
Graduates 'should try leaving UK'
More than 300,000 people graduate in the UK every year
The government is urging graduates to consider a spell working abroad, whether in internships or volunteering, to avoid the worst of the recession.
The advice is backed by the National Union of Students and is being handed out on leaflets at universities over the next couple of weeks.
Recent figures suggest there will be a 5% drop in jobs for new graduates this summer, compared to last year.
So with this happy happy news i thought it was time i reflect on MY own future....
Well, tomorrow being the last day of year two, im now in my last year of uni. That is a scary thought as i have grown fond of m uni time, bumming around and getting some marks along the way.
i have also met some amazing people. There is nobody in my course i hate, which is a different feeling from school when there was so many different personalities you couldn't help but not get along with everyone.
I feel like i have grown as a person at uni. At school i was the worst at public speaking and now i feel as if i can do it.
I think about the day a year from now when uni will be over and we will graduate into the big, wide world and im filled with fear and doubt.
I just do not know what i want to do with my life, i just know that even after graduating i am going to end up in a dead end job in an office somewhere. Before this morning i had the stability of Andi being in the army and im not being a moocher in any way i just felt a litle more secure that he had a stable wage and job and i could find a job wherever he was. Now i don't know what i am going to do. I want to get out of Carlisle so bad i just don't have the money.
Sad panda. What are we all going to do? Do any of us realise what we want to do or what the future will bring. I guess none of us will know until it happens.
I'm not going to let it get me down Que sera sera is what i say:
- Enjoy the ride while you have the energy to enjoy it.
- Take chances
- life is a tragedy to those who feel, a comedy to those who think
- To succeed, you need to take that gut feeling in what you believe and act on it with all of your heart.
Hope these inspire you all!! Now don't be scared by what's happening in the world today live your life the way you want to, but most importantly: enjoy it!
Procrastination is the theif of time......i should really revise :)
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
My incredible luck
At the moment i have realised just how unlucky i am with anything involving deliveries.....read on...
After having my phone stolen and the police deciding they 'couldn't note it down as stolen because it was in terminal 1 on a saturday night so had to record it as lost'
So in other words love, it was my own fault for being in a shitty club, thanks.
Well this lost property code was shit all use to me as my insurance only covers stolen. Brilliant.
This concluded in me now having my old phone which is so old and scratch it looks like its been chucked off a cliff. Repeatedly.
So i needed to find a cheap replacement so hello Ebay. I found a new unlocked sony ericsson that looked cute and was only 40 quid. Job done.
Few days pass and i'm wondering where the hell is this phone. Just as i walk through the living room i notice a red slip that looks like a royal mail slip. Oh yes it is, the bloody thing was delivered yesterday and i hadn't noticed. I was so excited i walked all the way from town to the office near dixon's chimney.
Everything was fine with the package and then damn! the sim card was invalid a bloody marvellous.
I got in touch with 'carolineinpink' and no such luck to return it. Apparently network 3 have blocked sim cards that only work in certain phones. I have now become a Ebay seller haha.
Next happened yesterday. The internet stopped working and we were told that a technician would be arriving between half 8 and half 1. My parents were both at work so i was elected as the stop at home internet nanny. Fair enough i didn't have uni until half 1 so hopefully they would come in the morning.
So my morning consisted of GM:TV, will and grace, Jeremy Kyle, This Morning, loose women and STILL no technician. I eventually ring at 1pm to which i'm told by Andy after what seems like a lifetime on hold that the technician has us down but it could be up to 5pm. A whole day ruined! 'Anything else i can help you with?' Yeah Andy there is: you can bloody start by sacking which ever bitch told us they were arriving in the morning and give me my morning of watching trash tv back!
The technicians eventually arrived at 4pm. No drinks were offered to them instead i sat in the kitchen in a huff.
Now today, my laptop was expected to be delivered. Now, i understand a person could get it wrong, but a delivery partner that does it for a living and specialises in delivering goods? Oh yes believe me they can. I had been told the delivery would be between 8 and 1. Great, as again i am at uni in the afternoon. So i spend another morning waiting around until at 11 Lisa from the delivery partner rings me.
'apologises but your laptop has actually been sent to the Newcastle depot instead of the Carlisle' Right. I'm totally in awe that they had made this error they are a delivery company! The complete idiots!
So now i realise i am buying things in shops from now on! It's much easier and less stressful.
xxx
After having my phone stolen and the police deciding they 'couldn't note it down as stolen because it was in terminal 1 on a saturday night so had to record it as lost'
So in other words love, it was my own fault for being in a shitty club, thanks.
Well this lost property code was shit all use to me as my insurance only covers stolen. Brilliant.
This concluded in me now having my old phone which is so old and scratch it looks like its been chucked off a cliff. Repeatedly.
So i needed to find a cheap replacement so hello Ebay. I found a new unlocked sony ericsson that looked cute and was only 40 quid. Job done.
Few days pass and i'm wondering where the hell is this phone. Just as i walk through the living room i notice a red slip that looks like a royal mail slip. Oh yes it is, the bloody thing was delivered yesterday and i hadn't noticed. I was so excited i walked all the way from town to the office near dixon's chimney.
Everything was fine with the package and then damn! the sim card was invalid a bloody marvellous.
I got in touch with 'carolineinpink' and no such luck to return it. Apparently network 3 have blocked sim cards that only work in certain phones. I have now become a Ebay seller haha.
Next happened yesterday. The internet stopped working and we were told that a technician would be arriving between half 8 and half 1. My parents were both at work so i was elected as the stop at home internet nanny. Fair enough i didn't have uni until half 1 so hopefully they would come in the morning.
So my morning consisted of GM:TV, will and grace, Jeremy Kyle, This Morning, loose women and STILL no technician. I eventually ring at 1pm to which i'm told by Andy after what seems like a lifetime on hold that the technician has us down but it could be up to 5pm. A whole day ruined! 'Anything else i can help you with?' Yeah Andy there is: you can bloody start by sacking which ever bitch told us they were arriving in the morning and give me my morning of watching trash tv back!
The technicians eventually arrived at 4pm. No drinks were offered to them instead i sat in the kitchen in a huff.
Now today, my laptop was expected to be delivered. Now, i understand a person could get it wrong, but a delivery partner that does it for a living and specialises in delivering goods? Oh yes believe me they can. I had been told the delivery would be between 8 and 1. Great, as again i am at uni in the afternoon. So i spend another morning waiting around until at 11 Lisa from the delivery partner rings me.
'apologises but your laptop has actually been sent to the Newcastle depot instead of the Carlisle' Right. I'm totally in awe that they had made this error they are a delivery company! The complete idiots!
So now i realise i am buying things in shops from now on! It's much easier and less stressful.
xxx
An update on all things Georgie
Wow haven't wrote on this for ages. Thought i had better update this about things that have recently.
(and it gives me a chance to procrastinate from Katrin's essay again)
Ah, procrastination- my favourite past time. Seriously it is! These last few weeks trying to do anything remotely worthwhile is hard. I start the task then find something shiny or silly to look at.
My feelings of uni haven't really improved, although i don't think i'm as angry with them as some people. It makes me so sad to see people upset with uni, i mean they give you the lectures, the work to do, the exams, the revision, they are easily available to talk to and still people are angry because they are really bad at time management. (and before i get an angry phone call Tash, i realise you're ill and stressed)
Lauren and Conny were going home for the summer and only a select few made the effort to turn up. I was boiling that night. Aren't we supposed to be students living it up? not staying home because we had work due in. I postponed that night out THREE times and still people couldn't manage their time to come and say goodbye to some people that we are not going to see for 5 months. It's madness we hardly ever go out as a course.
I realise we have portfolios to do, but if it stresses people out so much why do they not do it before the deadline? I finished my at the start of the week for the reason we were going out.
Tony organised a trip to Edinburgh the other day and only 3 people went. It was so sad because people seemed really excited at the time about it then it got to the day before and THEY realised that they hadn't got the time to have fun because we had an essay due in on Friday. Sam recoiling in horror: "he should of organised it last week when we had nothing"
ERm, no Sam we were given the essay 3 weeks ago and Tony told us two weeks ago this is when the trip was going to be. So once the journalism course failed in their time management- horray!
I'm not saying i'm better than anyone on my course, far from it. I hold my hands up that i am crap at time management but i went to Edinburgh and i loved it. I'm so glad i went because none of us exept three people handed in the essays so the people that didn't go for that reason really should kick themselves. hard.
I still haven't done my essay and it's now Tuesday, but i am mad. If this was any of our other tutors essays they would be hounding us as to why it's late and with 7 people not handing it in on time, as a tutor i would be worrying that these people are struggling.
But Katrin? Not a peep. Not even an email saying she has realised they are late. Nothing. So why should i worry about it if she clearly doesn't care?
I also have two exams next week, still havent revised for them and i can't find the energy. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I've lost all my resolve, but i guess it isn't Uni's fault and i don't agree people should be blaming their lack of work on the Uni.
But hey ho. Got to just keep on plodding along and hope i scrape a pass.
Rant over people!!!
Ps: Tash, you are not included because you are ill and it wouldn't be fair to diss you in your current situation, plus you're fit hehe x
(and it gives me a chance to procrastinate from Katrin's essay again)
Ah, procrastination- my favourite past time. Seriously it is! These last few weeks trying to do anything remotely worthwhile is hard. I start the task then find something shiny or silly to look at.
My feelings of uni haven't really improved, although i don't think i'm as angry with them as some people. It makes me so sad to see people upset with uni, i mean they give you the lectures, the work to do, the exams, the revision, they are easily available to talk to and still people are angry because they are really bad at time management. (and before i get an angry phone call Tash, i realise you're ill and stressed)
Lauren and Conny were going home for the summer and only a select few made the effort to turn up. I was boiling that night. Aren't we supposed to be students living it up? not staying home because we had work due in. I postponed that night out THREE times and still people couldn't manage their time to come and say goodbye to some people that we are not going to see for 5 months. It's madness we hardly ever go out as a course.
I realise we have portfolios to do, but if it stresses people out so much why do they not do it before the deadline? I finished my at the start of the week for the reason we were going out.
Tony organised a trip to Edinburgh the other day and only 3 people went. It was so sad because people seemed really excited at the time about it then it got to the day before and THEY realised that they hadn't got the time to have fun because we had an essay due in on Friday. Sam recoiling in horror: "he should of organised it last week when we had nothing"
ERm, no Sam we were given the essay 3 weeks ago and Tony told us two weeks ago this is when the trip was going to be. So once the journalism course failed in their time management- horray!
I'm not saying i'm better than anyone on my course, far from it. I hold my hands up that i am crap at time management but i went to Edinburgh and i loved it. I'm so glad i went because none of us exept three people handed in the essays so the people that didn't go for that reason really should kick themselves. hard.
I still haven't done my essay and it's now Tuesday, but i am mad. If this was any of our other tutors essays they would be hounding us as to why it's late and with 7 people not handing it in on time, as a tutor i would be worrying that these people are struggling.
But Katrin? Not a peep. Not even an email saying she has realised they are late. Nothing. So why should i worry about it if she clearly doesn't care?
I also have two exams next week, still havent revised for them and i can't find the energy. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I've lost all my resolve, but i guess it isn't Uni's fault and i don't agree people should be blaming their lack of work on the Uni.
But hey ho. Got to just keep on plodding along and hope i scrape a pass.
Rant over people!!!
Ps: Tash, you are not included because you are ill and it wouldn't be fair to diss you in your current situation, plus you're fit hehe x
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
The chav stereotype
I wore tracksuit bottoms today. For the first time in over 4 years. It was a wierd and hilarious experience.
We all associate so-called 'chavs' with the stereotypical trackies and today i made my own social experiment.
Firstly i took my little sister to school. A young girl wearing trackies and holding a little girls hand screams 'young mum' As i was walking to school i passed a middle aged woman and smiled sweetly and said good morning. The look on her face was priceless as she answered.
Next i walked to uni listening to my ipod and thought i would try something different. I walked passed a young boy at the bus stop, looking at me like i was going to beat him up, and put my ipod up to the higest volume while skipping to Linkin Park (yeah i dont know why they are still on my ipod either) He stared at me with disbelief. Is this chav really listening to 'greebo' music? confused looks all round.
I also smiled at an old lady who gave me the dirtiest look she could muster. So. yeah Job done. Most people do judge you on what you are wearing and what you look like. So next time you are walking down the street and see someone wearing trackies- don't judge them they are not definitely a chav, unless of course they start spitting at you, throwing things or shouting obcenities. Then yeah judge the chav.
Ciao for now xxx
We all associate so-called 'chavs' with the stereotypical trackies and today i made my own social experiment.
Firstly i took my little sister to school. A young girl wearing trackies and holding a little girls hand screams 'young mum' As i was walking to school i passed a middle aged woman and smiled sweetly and said good morning. The look on her face was priceless as she answered.
Next i walked to uni listening to my ipod and thought i would try something different. I walked passed a young boy at the bus stop, looking at me like i was going to beat him up, and put my ipod up to the higest volume while skipping to Linkin Park (yeah i dont know why they are still on my ipod either) He stared at me with disbelief. Is this chav really listening to 'greebo' music? confused looks all round.
I also smiled at an old lady who gave me the dirtiest look she could muster. So. yeah Job done. Most people do judge you on what you are wearing and what you look like. So next time you are walking down the street and see someone wearing trackies- don't judge them they are not definitely a chav, unless of course they start spitting at you, throwing things or shouting obcenities. Then yeah judge the chav.
Ciao for now xxx
Thursday, 19 March 2009
spring is here!!! er..woo?
Horray!!! Spring is finally here! The sun is shining in the sky, the sky is a gorgeous blue, birds are singing...so why do i still feel so larthargic and down in the dumps?
I should be skipping everywhere and talking to birds like some sort of metalist, but the truth is i only feel like that when i'm not in the building that has University of Cumbria written in big letters.
Yes, i have become lazy again. Lazy with my education. Last week i was on a high- i had a brilliant interview that made me feel like a journalist for once and a chance of getting published somewhere. With that chance falling flat on it's arse as quick as a toddler learning to walk with banana shoes on (ok that was a crap simile, leave me alone) i'm back in this building learning about colours. I kid you not.
I have so much to do as well- My mother and my boyfriend are back here and to top it all off i have two exams next week, a 2000 word essay, the page of the magazine to start, articles to sub and then the website to build. I have realised i have more in my life than just this course and i have no idea how to fit it all in. So much so i feel tired, stressed and very close to my head exploding.
I was blaming Uni for this stress too. Oh yeah they just give us all this work at the same time blah blah when really it's my own fault for managing my time badly.
Then something interesting happened today- Molly invited me to her house party. My intial reaction was "no i have too much work to do", but the more i thought about it the more i realised that i will get home see my little sister and then procrastinate for the rest of the night anyway.
So screw it i am going to the party and i am going to have fun, whether i like it or not.
Oh yeah, if you are feeling as stressed as i am here is some monkeys looking through some binnoculas in Africa. Well, it made me laugh!
I should be skipping everywhere and talking to birds like some sort of metalist, but the truth is i only feel like that when i'm not in the building that has University of Cumbria written in big letters.
Yes, i have become lazy again. Lazy with my education. Last week i was on a high- i had a brilliant interview that made me feel like a journalist for once and a chance of getting published somewhere. With that chance falling flat on it's arse as quick as a toddler learning to walk with banana shoes on (ok that was a crap simile, leave me alone) i'm back in this building learning about colours. I kid you not.
I have so much to do as well- My mother and my boyfriend are back here and to top it all off i have two exams next week, a 2000 word essay, the page of the magazine to start, articles to sub and then the website to build. I have realised i have more in my life than just this course and i have no idea how to fit it all in. So much so i feel tired, stressed and very close to my head exploding.
I was blaming Uni for this stress too. Oh yeah they just give us all this work at the same time blah blah when really it's my own fault for managing my time badly.
Then something interesting happened today- Molly invited me to her house party. My intial reaction was "no i have too much work to do", but the more i thought about it the more i realised that i will get home see my little sister and then procrastinate for the rest of the night anyway.
So screw it i am going to the party and i am going to have fun, whether i like it or not.
Oh yeah, if you are feeling as stressed as i am here is some monkeys looking through some binnoculas in Africa. Well, it made me laugh!
Enjoy the sunshine!!
xxx
xxx
Sunday, 15 February 2009
Valentines, schmalentines
Valentine's Day or Saint Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many people throughout the world. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine's cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionery
Eek. Why do we need this day to express our love? Do on the other 364 days involve us just liking wach other? Does Feb 14th really make us fall head over heels in love with our other half then when the clock strikes 12am BOOM the love has gone. Bollocks.
Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. Yeah, so now apparently love is associated with martyrdom. St Valentine was actually a martyr from ancient Rome. How romantic.
As you have probably realised- i hate Valentine's Day. I think its a complete waste of time and coporate hallmark crap. I don't need a card and presents to be shown im loved. The day makes single people feel lonely and the people in relationships under pressure to show what a wonderful couple they are. People get competetive with their relationship and i think it is silly.
Don't get me wrong, me and Andi have had two wonderful Valentine's days together- by ourselves.
I don't like going out for the simple reason you are being scrutinised by everyone: "ooh look at them wonder how long they will last. wonder if he got her flowers" blah.
Andi buys me things i and i buy him things all the time. We have a wonderful solid relationship that i don't need confirmed with a flimsy card and some wilting flowers.
So my advice is to ignore this stupid day- it's not even a proper holiday it's made up- and show your partner you love them everyday. Because love is forever, not just for Valentines day!
Personally, i blame Geoffrey Chaucer. The bugger.
lots of love, everyday!
xxxxxx
Eek. Why do we need this day to express our love? Do on the other 364 days involve us just liking wach other? Does Feb 14th really make us fall head over heels in love with our other half then when the clock strikes 12am BOOM the love has gone. Bollocks.
Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. Yeah, so now apparently love is associated with martyrdom. St Valentine was actually a martyr from ancient Rome. How romantic.
As you have probably realised- i hate Valentine's Day. I think its a complete waste of time and coporate hallmark crap. I don't need a card and presents to be shown im loved. The day makes single people feel lonely and the people in relationships under pressure to show what a wonderful couple they are. People get competetive with their relationship and i think it is silly.
Don't get me wrong, me and Andi have had two wonderful Valentine's days together- by ourselves.
I don't like going out for the simple reason you are being scrutinised by everyone: "ooh look at them wonder how long they will last. wonder if he got her flowers" blah.
Andi buys me things i and i buy him things all the time. We have a wonderful solid relationship that i don't need confirmed with a flimsy card and some wilting flowers.
So my advice is to ignore this stupid day- it's not even a proper holiday it's made up- and show your partner you love them everyday. Because love is forever, not just for Valentines day!
Personally, i blame Geoffrey Chaucer. The bugger.
lots of love, everyday!
xxxxxx
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