You can't choose your family.

It's a well known fact that family are people you can't choose to share your life with. Unlike friends you do not a choice in the matter, however i realise now that, with your family, maybe you can choose where to draw a line as to how much you will put up with.

Recently it was my sister's wedding. It was a beautiful day and the bride was of course stunning. Although, throughout this celebration i was anxious. Everyone that knows me will know i have a compicated family unit. Not that i believe that is a bad thing, but my parents history made me worry that something was going to happen.

This anxious feeling though, was in the back of my mind. I was positive that whatever problems would be pushed aside for my sister's exciting day. I was half right.

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you, whoever you are that is reading this that it was a really emotional day and as much as i love my dad i really thought he would be the one that would crack. I have never been so proud of him in all my life for putting up with so many of the family members i know he found hard being with.

But, as much as my mother tried to get him to, my dad kept his temper hidden and just ignored her. My hat goes off to him. i think in a way this occasion showed me just how much he cares about me and my family. She was the one that made a complete fool of herself.

I won't go into details about what happened, because it is too private, but all you need to know is my mother ruined the end of the night. I have never hated her so much as i did in that moment. Then all the memories i had of her during my childhood came flooding back: sitting at the window as she turned up 3 hours late without getting in touch, the smell of her as she came back from the pub in the early hours of the morning, the times i sat downstairs with the dog until after dinner because she was still asleep, sitting in the pub desperate to go home and do my homework, the time she sneered at me that i was a snob and a bitch, running up the stairs at school because i was late because of her again, the day she came to say goodbye before leaving for spain looking more excited than upset leaving her children.

This may be really mundane things to get upset about, but they do upset me still. The thing that really annoys me is she has done all these things and expects me to respect her as a daughter should respect a mother, but i just can't. Everyone will probably think im over reacting by not speaking to her, but im just sick of her acting like a child and people letting her get away with it.
'Oh, it's only jackie, you know how she is' people keep telling me. No, she has a problem and im sick of letting her get away with it. My dad has done so much for us and then if he does one thing wrong he gets slated. i can see now why he gets so upset when we forgive and forget with mother.

Well, i've made my decision. I told her where to go and she just confirmed what i knew- she really does not care.

I sent a very long message to the woman, and if i was her and received that off my daughter i'd be devastated begging and grovelling for forgiveness. She's seemed to have given up. all i got was that she respected my decision and she'll be there if i want to forgive her.

Excuse me? Have you just acted like the biggest bitch on earth and your trying to make ME feel guilty?! I dont think i do. So you may not be able to choose your family, but you do have a choice to not put up with what they put you through and show them they can not get away with it anymore.

Much love

xxxxx