Love conquers all...even self loathing

Andrew has left me. Not forever dear friends, just for a little while. But as the reflecting blog helped put my thoughts into order i thought i would do another at the moment of feeling like half of me is gone so how did we get to this?. yeah get the tissues out as you delve into my love life....

Back in 2007 i was feeling pretty low. my boyfriend of over a year had just dumped me for an older more attractive girl. i have never felt like that before. like a piece of crap. Ever been to portland square? well yeah thats where i was dumped. pretty shabby seeing as we were at a private party with his family. he was texting her on his phone all night the bastard. i was physically sick when i read the words 'even my thong' and screamed at him a bit. so there i was cold and alone while he went back inside after begging me 'to keep in touch'. yeah right cockhead. the worst thing? i didnt see it coming. thats what pissed me off. he treated me like shit and i let him because i thought thats what love was. he never praised me i realise and when he was texting 'chip' (yeah stupid huh) i laughed at the name and all i got was 'its not as bad as george' how fucking rude. anyway so i rang my sister and got a taxi to see her. good old sue. but things started swimming around in my head. what did i do wrong? how long has he been cheating on me? oh my god hes been shagging her when he was at uni and coming back to me on weekends!


Anyway enough about him. i picked myself up and started playing around. i even pulled the cleaner ,Karl with a K, at work and took him to becca's party. We fooled around in the kitchen, but did not have sex honest! he turned out to be a wierdo anyway that rambled at me about his dead twin so i told him to leave. aaah fun times.

there were others, but they don't really matter. in APRIL after me and some friends went to see mcfly-yeah im not ashamed- and it being a wednesday we decided to go to the wheel. In there we were on a mission to set me up with someone.

And not trying to sound corny, but when i saw a guy over by the DJ box i thought wow! (please dont be sick) so after some school play-ground behaviour of my friend likes your friend etc i went over to said hotty.
LISTEN UP THIS IS IMPORTANT: i did not under any circumstances jump on him! i merely went up and started dancing with him. we looked at each other and then the kisses started. if the question ever comes up on big fat quiz of the year or anything remember, ANDI started the kiss and he shoved me against the DJ box. phew it was hot. big hot romance was what it was! anyway we exchanged numbers and introduced to each others friends then i had to go and did the call me gesture. It was the greatest night of my life.

i couldnt stop grinning. i remember waking up and saying hello to my dad. he asked how last night was and i told him i had met a guy (granted i had told him that two weeks ago, but i knew this was something special) then i dont know why but i thought maybe hes forgotten my name so i text him saying hi this is GEORGIE haha hope you had a good night. BOOM he was so mine. then he rang me that night interrupting my lee evans watching. rude. i remember sitting on the kitchen table and talking about our likes and dislikes. my first thought: this guy is way to cool for me!

anyway, we were inseperable and he took me on dates. proper gentleman. One day he was two hours late so he turned up at my house with a present. oh no not flowers or chocolates, a necklace!! it was amazing! i love that necklace. and he is the reason i am addicted to family guy. up until then i used to think he was so funny. like extremely funny. then i realised he had just been quoting family guy to me the last few months. genius.

enough of the remenicing anyway my eyes are tired. really all i wanted to tell you was that Andi is the most attentive boyfriend i've ever had. he holds my hand, cuddles me and generally makes me feel safe. i really truly believe theres someone out there for everybody and im so lucky to have found mine. i have never felt so comfortable around a boy before. there are no awkward silences when we are together and i can tell him anything, even the really embarrassing and shocking things. plus he makes me smile and occasionally laugh my socks off. but dont tell him that.

the best thing that has happened to me after meeting andi is my confidence boost. before then i was shy and quiet and hated myself, actually. i was this ugly duckling sitting in the corner, but this hot guy was interested in me and i thought YES! finally. He doesn't understand why im so self-loathing and tells me again and again what an amazing person i am and honestly, it really does help my self esteem.

so this is why i am not going to let a little thing as him going away get me down. we talk everyday and when we put the phone down, however im feeling at the time, im always without fail smiling from ear to ear. nobody looks out for me like he does and just knowing that he loves me is enough.

so people. i know your worried i crying into my pillow, im not. No im not going to lie im not having a party right now and jumping round my room, but im fine. i have a great family and great friends that will help me through this.

apparently i have changed in the past because of boys. i think andi has changed me for the better. i can look in the mirror now and think 'yeah your not hideously ugly, you'll do' my god. andis even seen me in the morning- eek and eating melting icecream and spaghetti. ha not a pretty sight, but i don't care hes great and he loves me for me.

im going to stop now, your sick bucket is probably full to the brim and i dont want it to overflow. so if you have found someone keep them if you havent find them. this aint no mills and boon.

good night boys and girls

xxx