public apology

i must apologise for my behaviour in the last blog i wrote. It has been deleted now, because it was stupid rambling. I don't want my blogs to become angry rambles. that's not why i started them. I'm a lot calmer now than the other day. i should of just went to sleep. Instead i switched the computer on and moaned, upsetting people i don't want to upset.

i love my family and friends to bits. Just got back from Newcastle and had such a nice time with my gorgeous sister, Shell. I needed the hugs she gave me. it was lovely and calmed me down so much. i never wrote that blog to upset anyone or to stick two fingers up at anyone who was worried about me.

i was mainly angry at myself and it came out in the wrong way. i'm angry because i put up that persona of i'm fine because i think people that get upset are weak. that's a really silly thing to think, but i know that now. i realise if i had wanted to be left alone i should of kept off facebook, especially my status updates. A wise woman told me today things that really put my stupid blog into perspective: i hurt the people that are looking out for me. they're not out demanding that you put a face on it like you can't be miserable we're just supporting you.'

Also, it wasn't anyones fault that my parents were splitting up then never bothered to tell me that it was ok until i arrived home after a day of fretting. i was so angry they didn't think it mattered to tell me they were fine. as if i didn't exsist.

i have never felt so lousey. i wish i could go back and never write that blog, but i can't. so i deleted it instead. let me sincerley say: if you read it, please don't hate me for it and i honestly didnt mean for people to take offence. if you never got to read it. good i am really glad you didn't. So next time you see or know i'm upset please don't take this blog to heart and not talk to me at all. oh, and if you're upset let your family help. their hugs are the best, well at least mine are.



lots of love and hugs and sincere apologies.

xxxxxxx